The Call

It was fall 1989, and I was twenty years old. I had just broken up with my first boyfriend, and I had fallen into a deep depression. 

Suddenly, one day, out of the blue, a thought came to mind and said, "Call your Godmother and go to the charismatic prayer meeting that she attends and receive prayer for healing." I did not realize at the time that it was the Holy Spirit himself speaking to me. My Godmother never spoke to me of any prayer meeting. The only time I ever heard or seen of anything charismatic was at the age of twelve when I attended a Catholic charismatic healing mass. This was the first time I had witnessed people praying in tongues and falling down on the floor.  I left that mass that night knowing that God was real, not because of the gifts, but because of the warmth I saw in the people. Yet, I thought these people were fanatics and I did not want to be like them. 

So this thought kept coming to my mind repeatedly reminding me of the Healing Mass I attended years ago. I was reminded of the charisms. Even though I shunned the thought several times, I eventually decided to call my Godmother and ask her about this charismatic meeting.  When I called I asked her, "Godmother, is there a charismatic prayer meeting that you attend? Where is it? When is it? I want to go." The night that I called her was the night of the prayer meeting. So we both attended that night, and from that moment on, my life was never the same again. 

The prayer meeting that I attended was called Ephesians 1:4. During the meeting, there was a word gift given to me. A woman there had a vision of Jesus standing in front of me holding out His hand. 

After the meeting was over, my Godmother asked me if I wanted to receive personal prayer, and I said yes. I ended up praying with the same woman who had the vision about Jesus standing in front of me. She began saying things about me that were true, and that she knew nothing of. It was like she could read right through me. She asked me if I wanted to say the Sinner’s Prayer and receive Jesus into my heart and life. As I was destitute in my emotions, I said yes. I thought, "Sure, I will try, Jesus. I just want out of my pain." She then led me into a prayer. During this prayer, it was as if there was a release and a deposit going on at the same time. Tears began to flood down my cheeks as I invited Jesus into my heart. I remember looking up, and I saw people watching me as I looked up at the lights shining down on my face. I recall getting in touch with deep, deep pain as if it was all coming up to the surface, and in my tears I was begging Jesus to take the pain away. The woman that I was praying with put her arms around me until the tears stopped. Then she said to me, "there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents" (Luke 10:15). She told me that I was a new creation in Christ, and she encouraged me to keep coming to the meetings.  Then she had a word of knowledge for me and said, "You are a chosen one, and God wants to use you. You will be like one of us." I did not know what all that meant. I did not know what I was getting myself into, but I knew that I could not go on living as I was. 

Four days after my first prayer meeting, I awoke and said to my mother, "Mom, I have not thought about my ex-boyfriend in four days. Ever since the prayer meeting, I have not thought about him." I knew at that moment, and it had just dawned on me, that Jesus Christ had healed my broken heart! 

During the next six weeks, I wanted to resist the invitation to go back to the meeting. However, I knew that I would go back eventually. I recall feeling different at that time. The world seemed a different place to me, and my depression had lifted. 

As I attended the prayer meetings, my life completely turned around. My whole life became about attending charismatic prayer meetings all over the Oakland California Diocese, attending bible teachings, life in the spirit seminars, retreats, conventions, etc. I began to grow spiritually in leaps and bounds. My foul language suddenly disappeared. I began reading my Bible every night. I could hardly wait for night time to be with Jesus as I would read the Bible while drinking a hot cup of tea! As I read the Bible, it was as if the pages came alive before me and the words were true. I began to see and understand the world from the truth of God's word and everything made sense. I had the answers for why things were, and I was just beginning to understand my purpose in life. I began to realize why I had always felt so different growing up. I realized that God had a plan and a purpose for my existence before the foundation of the world. 

After giving my life to Jesus Christ, going to the charismatic prayer meetings and reading the Bible gave me all the answers that I was seeking. My life began to have meaning and purpose. I no longer felt empty. I no longer felt a void. I had a mission. I was on my way with an eternal purpose! 

Four months later, I became curious about how to pray in tongues. I approached the prayer group leader, and I asked him "How do you pray in tongues?" He said to me, "Have you been baptized in the Holy Spirit?" I replied, "I have been baptized and confirmed." He then gathered a group of ladies to lay hands on me for the release of the baptism of the Holy Spirit which I received through the sacraments from my infant baptism, and later confirmation in the Catholic Church. The group of ladies all began to pray in tongues over me. I remember feeling scared and not knowing what to do. So, I just sat and waited. Then one of the ladies said to me, "Did you get a syllable in your head? I saw a gold drop fall on top of you." I recalled receiving the syllable "cu shi ma," and told her so. She then said to me, "Practice that every day for it to grow." She said to me that Satan would try to deceive me and try to get me to think that I do not pray in tongues.  Do not believe it. 

One year later, I experienced the fullness of the release of my prayer language (AKA tongues). At a Bible teaching one night, I spoke with a brother in the Lord about this. I asked him about how to  release my tongues more. He replied "I am going to let you and God do this together." He encouraged me to pour out my request to God and let God do it. The next morning, I was in my prayer closet, and I did as the brother had encouraged me to do. I even went to the extent of yielding my mouth as a baby would to its mother wanting milk. I gave God my tongue and a tone with it, and he gave me the rest. My prayer language took over into a melody. I loved it! I felt peace. 

God showed me that although he had given me the syllables one year ago, I was not letting it go. I was controlling the gift without realizing it. It was not until I let go of the control and totally and completely surrendered my tongue to him that the Holy Spirit was now at liberty to come out in full. 

Over the next few years of my life, I had tremendous experiences in Christ. I have been flabbergasted at how I have been used in the charismatic gift ministry. I know that it is not me. I know that it is God. I did not choose him, but he chose me. Initially, I did not want God, and I never received what I wanted in my life. I initially only wanted out of my pain, but God had another plan in mind for me. 

Now I find that when I am about my eternal purpose, that is where my greatest joy and fulfillment in life is. Serving God and doing His works is the joy in my life. It gives me purpose, satisfaction, and contentment. All the things that I lacked in my natural life are filled in my life in Christ. This is his deposit in exchange for my pain. God is really what I was desiring all along, but I just did not know that God was what I wanted, and that God was what I needed. I believed, like most, that I was desiring something else. Happiness in what the world offers to me. “The lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life” (1 John 2:16). I believed the lies and the illusion that what makes one satisfied in life is what everybody without Christ is seeking. 

I now know that the reason I live is to give testimony to Jesus Christ and to his word. He is the truth. His word is true and his word is sure. He can be trusted. His word can be trusted. 

We live in a day and age where so many are lost and do not believe in the word of Jesus Christ. I can testify that "the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart” (Hebrew 4:12). 

We are all called to enter into heaven through Jesus Christ in whatever vocation it may be. Whether we are married or single, the reason we live is to know God and whom he has sent, to know and live in God's love, to know that we are children of God, and to know that we belong to the family of God through Christ Jesus our Lord. God said in the beginning that “it is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Just as God did not want to be alone, neither do we. We were made for family, community, relationship, and to know it in God's love. May we all come to know him more intimately and the power of his resurrection in our life. “If indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him” (Romans 8:17). 

The invitation into the charismatic experience was the beginning of my awareness of my life in Christ. Charismatic renewal is such a blessing and true gift of the Holy Spirit. It has deepened my love and hunger for God, and encouraged me to obey him and live my life in a manner pleasing to him. “Walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called” (Ephesians 4:1). It has opened up my senses to the spiritual realm. It has made me realize that God the father, God the son, and God the Holy Spirit are alive. It has made the Bible come alive. It has made the Catholic Church come alive, and the sacraments come alive. This  is not to say that they were not alive, but rather that I was not awake to it being alive.  I was asleep, but now I am awake. Wow! I would not want life any other way! Thank you, Jesus. May you be glorified. Amen. 

In Closing:

“For the accuser of our brethren has been thrown down, he who accuses them before our God day and night. And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death" (Revelation 12:10-11).